A coercive control survivor has shared her "disturbing" experience of domestic abuse, including being told what to wear by her ex-partner and being strangled by him. 

Cambridgeshire Police are operating 16 Days of Action against violence towards women and girls. The campaign coincided with White Ribbon Day which took place on November 25, and is an initiative to end male violence against women.

As part of their campaign, the force spoke to Hayley Simpson. Hayley was in an abusive relationship for seven years and has shared her story.

Hayley said that the first time her ex-partner lost his temper, they were having a bicker while she was cutting vegetables in the kitchen. She said something he did not like, and he punched her in the back.

She said: "I didn't see it coming, I didn't have time to tense up - it literally took my breath away."

Her ex-partner apologised and "seemed remorseful", which led Hayley to think that it would be a one-off. 

The 46-year-old met her ex on a dating website, with him telling Hayley that he wanted to "take her out".

The relationship became "quite serious, quite quickly". Hayley soon noticed that her former partner began critiquing her clothes, saying that her tops were "too low" or "gaping".

"He said guys would be looking - he knew what guys were like. He didn’t like women to dress in ‘that way’," she said.

"So, he took me shopping to buy some vests to wear underneath my tops. I thought it was out of concern, maybe I hadn’t noticed what I was dressing like."

Hayley was told to cover up inside and outside of her home, and was forbidden to wear shorts and skirts in the summer. 

She was told that if she wanted to exercise at home, she had to shut the blind as "guys would be looking through the window".

Before long, her partner was controlling all aspects of her life.

He alienated her from her family and friends, and she wasn’t allowed to sit with her colleagues in the canteen at work.

"I was anxious, on edge, wasn’t eating or sleeping properly. Sometimes I would just physically shake.

"I knew the consequences would be bad if I ever was to stand up to him."

Her partner blamed his abusive behaviour on Hayley – he said it was because she "wound him up" and she "played the victim".

"But one day, he strangled me in the kitchen until I blacked out", she said.

"When I came round, I said, you do realise, you could’ve killed me. I have kids, they need me.

"He just smirked at me and said, ‘And what if I did?’

"I knew then I had to leave, or otherwise he would kill me one day."

Hayley also found out he was cheating on her, so she plucked up the courage to end the relationship over the phone.

But he refused to accept it was over and told her he would never leave her alone until she got back with him.

"I rang the police. I kept some of the pictures of my injuries on a safe file on a separate phone. I thought one day, I might need those," said Hayley.

Her former partner pleaded guilty to engaging in controlling behaviour and was sentenced two years and three months in prison.

"I would say to anyone who is now in the position I was in, call the police. I now feel stronger than ever, a weight has been lifted and I’m almost back to being my old bubbly self."

To report concerns or for more advice and support on domestic abuse, including coercive control, visit the force’s dedicated web pages.